A DEER IN HEADLIGHTS

I Want Out

Searching for the right of way 

She can’t differentiate between reality and fantasy

All roads lead to a safer place

Paying the price for romanticizing 

I want out but wanting isn't enough

No longer waiting for the woman I fell in love with to reappear

 

Secrets, Desire, Lust, Lies & Truth

Secrets become desire

Desire becomes lust

Lust becomes lies

Lies expose truth

Truth my reality

 

In Search Of

Addicted to pleasure

Process of losing  

All that defines  

Search of her meaning

Her intentions, her infidelities

 

Fallen Fruit

She made a deal with the devil

Now she’s pregnant by a man with perverted intent

The devil had no intention of keeping his side of the deal

Consumed with blind trust of a man she instinctively knew she could not

Trapped in a relationship withering away with delusions

No ones fault but her own thinking the devil would honor his promise

Fruit fallen and damaged has made the wayward journey into my strident company

The only way out is to close her eyes, open her legs, and hope for the best 

 

Someone I Once Loved

How many chances before she resembles someone I once loved?

Convinced the physicality of relations will make love reappear

Her greatest fault she takes no accountability for her faults

 

I Can’t Win for Losing

I don’t know who I am when I’m with you

You are the epitome of selfishness and deceit

Survivalist disguised as a tranquil revolutionary

The river runs through it that cuts deep in spite

Maligned and falling into the fire

To survive I must leave everything behind

 

What Was Once You

What have I done to deserve you?

Falsely implicated and serving time

I don’t recognize you anymore

You have vanished

A faint trace of what was once you remains

No words left to be spoken

I’ve heard them all before

 

On The Verge

In search of truths and where they lie

Now all is nearly forgotten

On the verge of the tipping point

We miserably failed each other

 

Remains of the Day

No need to remedy this sickness

No need to tolerate what is intolerable

No need to speak what is left unspoken

I am free of you and you of me

What remains is life with purpose  

An existence without conviction, without compromise  

 

Audacity of Youth

The audacity of youth shall be induced to ruins

Disillusioned follows the pitiful through the vastness

A god amongst demons on a trail of turbulence and turmoil

 

Sexy Beast

Trust no one unless they have earned your trust

Disarm and you will see what lurks beneath the façade  

The sexy beast is transient and affectionate  

For the season of naivety condemns posturing fools

A life decision made in a drunken stupor

Subsided by nothingness, superficialities and hard dick

 

Conviction

Existence has no purpose without conviction

 

Woman Interrupted

Impossible to find a moment to remove myself

Scream loud but no one is listening

Perhaps she doesn’t understand

I stand before a woman interrupted

By disappointment, ambition and paraphilia

Rejected, struggling, emotionally drained and objectified

 

Miscalculation

Made the wrong turn in her company

Loneliness subsidized by the comfort

Miscalculation of intellect and class render me stagnant

 

Take It Like A Man

Error of not knowing when to let go

Regurgitating what I despise

Gestures in good faith you belittle  

Wanting to surrender and take it like a man

 

Deer in Headlights

Role of consummate victim is her found philosophy

Deer in headlights becomes the hunter and the kill the walking dead

Psychosis bears the stain of flying to close to the sun

An unwilling actor in the character study of a woman in rage 

 

Resolute

Holding my breath

Pretending 

I hide in your shadows

My will resolute

As long as you are you

 

Harm’s Way

Nothing can be changed

Sacrifice indifference

Signs blur her vision

Keeping me in Harm’s Way

 

Capacity

A parasite surviving in the under current

Existing in the constant state of paranoia

Seeking comfort in the embrace of strangers

Capacity to stay one step ahead of fear  

 

Betrayal

She betrayed herself for an ideology of hate men, use men and never give in

 

Hope Running On Despair

I want her to stop but she can’t control herself

I want to disappear but I can’t defend myself

Exhausted holding her likeness in place

Insults, innuendos and derogatory words

In the distance a chorus of hope running on despair

Who hasn’t made mistakes and who deserves this fate

 

Walk Away

What are my options for escape? Leave my bags at the door and walk away………with nowhere to go

 

The Truth

I’ve given all the good parts of me to the wrong person

Not knowing what to expect from one day to the next

 

I Can’t Breathe

I can’t breathe

Running in place to keep pace

All signs lead away to save face

I’m not going to make it out alive

I’m suffocating

 

Masquerade

Unpredictability

Falling into place

Predictability

Sense of false security

Masquerading as something real

Farewell to familiarity

Grasping for memories

I cannot remember for the life in me

 

Happily Never After

Consumed with intentional pursuits of being violated

Suspicion your guise to cloak assaults on innocence

False Accusations her weapon of choice

Castrated by bitterness my lover is malicious

A damaged life exchanged for a hint of vindictiveness

Misrepresentation of happily ever after ceases to exist

Welcome to my hell as I hold on for one last kiss

In absence and a taste of your true stench

 

Youthful Beauty

Youthful beauty fleeting

Exposed root of nature

Provocateur of primal desire

 

Draw in her Prey

Wounded bird employs affliction to draw in her prey

In return the reassurance of her sexuality

In her company silent and distant in disarray

  

Newness of your Affection

I plow through the soil of your womb in search of what’s been lost

    

A Woman In Transition of Self

A woman in transition of self

With no true identity of her own

Confiscates her existence

With bits and pieces of everyone else

 

Witness to the Captor

Incapacitated and vulnerable to the rot

Departures are welcoming and misconstrued

Friendly attempts to gather what’s missing

Longing is futile and superficial

Taste of kindness attempts to disorient

I’ve become her bitch and she desires control

To submit in return for power over me

Please stop loving me your love is malignant

I am a witness to the captor’s aggressions

Disguised as a captive to erase all that I hold dear

 

Affections

No one owes you anything

Ideology of the sadly mistaken

No accountability for discretions

 

Best of Times, Worst of Times

By the time you hear these words

Departed my living Hell, mistaken for life

Selfish, impulsive and irrational

2 years and 8 months of life with you

 

No One is Safe Here

Wounded seek refuge in my realm

Exchange for sex and companionship

Never again is that currency allowed

I refuse

It’s not your fault

Out of her depths refusing gravity

No one is safe here

 

Definition of Life

An empty vessel

Contaminated

Accusatory

Insensitive and demanding without remorse

Your choices

Your decisions

Your fault

Moments that define our lives

  

Bled Out

Faithful guise is to hide in plain sight

Part blame for trajectory of togetherness

Nothing familiar realized in her company

Compromised by a bottom feeder out of her depth

Your fill on my soul and carcass is inhumane

Left in to die devoured by maggots and leeches

Bleed out by jealousy, frustration and hunger

Scarred by bitterness, fear and despair

 

Breathless

A new day softens the reality of my circumstance

Searching for signs that lead to the living

Wounded I seek shelter and asylum

Will you allow me the same favor I bestowed

Or is all you know is take and never give

You have suffocated me and left me breathless

Not dead in body but dead in the head  

Like an invalid with no reason to live  

Asking myself what went wrong and was it my fault

 

Ravaged

God are you listening

I’ve bedded a lunatic

Ravaged

Daily rituals of sadistic behavior

 

Lost My Way

Today I realized

Can’t give her what she needs

Young, selfish and damaged  

Inner roads that seldom meet

I’ve lost my way   

 

Selling Lies

You are not whom you pretend to be selling lies you believe to be

 

Missing

All that I am has been lost on you

Passion disguised as lust

Veil of mistrust

How easy it is for you to violate me

  

I Never Wanted to Hurt You

Suffering cascades the depths of my being

Crevices hold in place my true self

Appearances are lost in translation knowingly

As she reappears my sickness overcomes

Instinctively remembering the traces

I can still hear her say… I never wanted to hurt you

If it weren’t for the pain I would be transient of feeling

 

Our Unspoken Agreement

Seduced you with false virtue and face-valued wealth

My reward sex and an offspring from the nubile youth

Our unspoken agreement is laid bare for the pedestrians

To elevate her status and quality of life has been rescinded

 

Survives the Appendage of Leeches

Totality of shame unprecedented

Unconditional disdain and irreverence

Words and their meanings subdued

Will to survive an appendage of leeches

 

Scars

Knowingly crossed the line

Yet she wants to blame someone  

Running away is her conscription

Drunk, belligerent and the center of attention

 

Use Me

Anticipation of confrontation

A stray trapped in a World unbeknownst to her

Physicality is power

Love an illusion

Lust an escape

Use me until your intentions run its course

 

Choice or Consequence

In search of defeat

Choice or consequence

I made a mistake

Repetition of low self-esteem

This space has no form

Transgressions are full blown  

 

You Have Been Realized

This too shall pass

You have abandoned love

An emptiness abides

Distance between us

What remains is the residue of passion

Deception has heightened insecurities

Child masquerading as an adult

I digress, as the learner becomes the learned

You have been realized and infatuation romanticized

 

Toxic

Running out of time

Familiarity is consistent

Eluded by fear

You are toxic

Unwanted touch

I am ashamed

What has become of you?

 

Woman Under the Influence

In a fight for survival

Woman under the influence

Fallen to depths unrecognizable

I’m under siege

Questioning her intentions

 .

Ruin the Lives of Others

Insensitive, sadistic a desperate woman

Not deserving of love until you accept your offenceses

Malicious attempts to ruin the lives of others

Aligned with a system constructed on baiting, hating and punishing men

We’re almost done here and you should not be trusted